Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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