your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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