i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
