Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
