Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize