I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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