mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
