why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't deserve a penis
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
