I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
