Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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