I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
