You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
