Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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