woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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