I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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