Don't make out with my wife yet
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize