I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
