what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
