I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
