also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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