Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize