I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
