Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
