I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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