maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
