I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
