Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
