Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
