I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
