I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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