also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
