was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
