i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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