The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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