Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
