I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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