I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
