best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i've created a new STD.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
