Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
