a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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