It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
