aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
