Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He uses pillows to masturbate.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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