yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
