Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
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