You smell like stripper and shame
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
