Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
