you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
