Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
