I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
