...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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