"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
