there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
