You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Pooping to opera.
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