Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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