I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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