i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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