none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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