I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
