im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize