i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
