Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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