Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
