If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
