I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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