Pregnant stripper...not hot.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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