Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
