he thought i was a dude.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
