Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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