ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
