Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
