Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think my moral compass just broke
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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