I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
