I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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