Don't you send me to vm
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
