I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my shit smells like andre
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
