Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
