well I can't set my house on fire every night
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
