How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
