It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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