you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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