dude i'm inner monologue high
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
