This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize