the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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