My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
