3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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