Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
