Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
