Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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