I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
