If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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