just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
