I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
