soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
