im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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