i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
