9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
