He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
