Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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