today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
