So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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