just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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