his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
