I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
