I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
