Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
