Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
sarcasm needs its own font
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
