so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
