His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
