I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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