The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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